Questions I have never been able to answer

  • Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
  • Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • What is the speed of darkness?
  • Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up every two hours?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
  • Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum.”
  • Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
  • Why does your Obstetrician, Gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
  • Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
  • Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!

  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  • Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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